1 00:00:05,247 --> 00:00:08,126 Tiger Butler lines up for his big drive. 2 00:00:09,305 --> 00:00:11,833 The gallery oohs in anticipation. 3 00:00:13,050 --> 00:00:16,084 I said the gallery oohs in anticipation. 4 00:00:16,873 --> 00:00:18,397 Ooh. 5 00:00:19,961 --> 00:00:22,833 The gallery forgets Tiger let him live here rent free. 6 00:00:23,327 --> 00:00:24,719 Whoo! 7 00:00:24,744 --> 00:00:26,125 Oh! 8 00:00:26,775 --> 00:00:28,733 Oh, a beautiful shot! 9 00:00:28,758 --> 00:00:30,334 400 yards. 10 00:00:30,359 --> 00:00:33,161 It bounces once, it bounces again... 11 00:00:33,186 --> 00:00:34,826 Can you just get to the hole in one already? 12 00:00:34,851 --> 00:00:36,417 It's your fifth one in a row. 13 00:00:36,442 --> 00:00:38,792 It's his fifth one in a row! 14 00:00:38,817 --> 00:00:41,177 He might just be the greatest of... 15 00:00:41,202 --> 00:00:43,161 - All time. - Of all time! 16 00:00:45,030 --> 00:00:46,388 Yeah. 17 00:00:46,413 --> 00:00:47,876 Get in the hole! 18 00:00:48,808 --> 00:00:51,918 Ooh! That's a monster drive, and it's... 19 00:00:52,088 --> 00:00:53,626 in the hole! 20 00:00:54,041 --> 00:00:56,031 The crowd goes wild. 21 00:00:56,056 --> 00:00:57,361 I can't believe I'm saying this, 22 00:00:57,386 --> 00:00:59,167 but why can't you be more like Dave? 23 00:01:01,092 --> 00:01:02,876 I didn't know you played golf, Calvin. 24 00:01:02,901 --> 00:01:04,750 Yeah, I used to, but then I had 25 00:01:04,775 --> 00:01:07,792 this one and the other one, now I'm a two handicap. 26 00:01:09,208 --> 00:01:10,734 You know, I used to play all the time back at home 27 00:01:10,759 --> 00:01:12,812 until a gang took over our course. 28 00:01:12,986 --> 00:01:15,084 Oh, I didn't know they had gangs in Kalamazoo. 29 00:01:15,109 --> 00:01:16,680 Canada geese. 30 00:01:18,052 --> 00:01:20,793 For Canadians, incredibly vicious. 31 00:01:22,245 --> 00:01:23,812 So what's going on, you playing soon? 32 00:01:23,992 --> 00:01:26,191 Yeah, a customer gave me a couple of guest rounds 33 00:01:26,216 --> 00:01:27,391 at Hillmount. 34 00:01:27,440 --> 00:01:28,922 - Ooh, Hillmount. - Yeah. 35 00:01:28,947 --> 00:01:31,079 That's exclusive. Well, have fun. 36 00:01:31,104 --> 00:01:33,867 Hey, Dave, since you play, why don't you come with me? 37 00:01:38,032 --> 00:01:39,512 Are you inviting Dave? 38 00:01:39,663 --> 00:01:42,668 Yeah... are you inviting Dave? 39 00:01:43,637 --> 00:01:44,812 Yes. 40 00:01:44,837 --> 00:01:46,500 Uh, this Dave? 41 00:01:46,855 --> 00:01:48,335 Yes. 42 00:01:48,360 --> 00:01:50,656 Well, in that case, Dave is in. 43 00:01:50,985 --> 00:01:54,043 Can Dave stop talking in third person? I only have two passes. 44 00:01:54,542 --> 00:01:55,758 I'm sorry, Dave's just excited 45 00:01:55,783 --> 00:01:57,176 because he's been waiting for this moment 46 00:01:57,201 --> 00:01:58,625 for a really long time. 47 00:01:59,273 --> 00:02:01,542 And Calvin's starting to regret it. 48 00:02:01,567 --> 00:02:03,700 Malcolm's just really confused. 49 00:02:08,509 --> 00:02:12,422 - Synced and corrected by martythecrazy - - www.addic7ed.com - 50 00:02:19,427 --> 00:02:20,876 How do I look? 51 00:02:21,172 --> 00:02:23,058 Like you're ready to hit a golf ball, 52 00:02:23,083 --> 00:02:26,260 look for it, not find it, and do it again for four hours. 53 00:02:28,165 --> 00:02:29,296 Can I come? 54 00:02:29,321 --> 00:02:30,031 Ooh, sorry, buddy, 55 00:02:30,056 --> 00:02:31,497 Mr. Calvin only had one extra pass, 56 00:02:31,522 --> 00:02:33,179 and, uh... 57 00:02:33,626 --> 00:02:35,313 he gave it to me. 58 00:02:36,523 --> 00:02:39,039 Sweetie, I know how excited you are that Calvin invited you 59 00:02:39,064 --> 00:02:40,297 to do something one-on-one, 60 00:02:40,322 --> 00:02:42,708 but maybe you should try to play it a little cool. 61 00:02:42,892 --> 00:02:44,043 I know, y-you're right, 62 00:02:44,068 --> 00:02:46,168 sometimes my enthusiasm can get the best of me. 63 00:02:46,193 --> 00:02:47,656 The last thing I want to do is... 64 00:02:47,681 --> 00:02:49,375 Got to go. 65 00:02:49,651 --> 00:02:50,875 Don't wait up. 66 00:02:52,054 --> 00:02:53,750 Well, kiddo, I guess it's just you and... 67 00:02:53,775 --> 00:02:54,458 Bye, Mom. 68 00:02:54,483 --> 00:02:56,180 Wait, where are you going? 69 00:02:56,205 --> 00:02:59,042 Next door to play video games with Malcolm and Marty. 70 00:02:59,067 --> 00:03:00,938 I thought you and I were gonna hang out. 71 00:03:01,078 --> 00:03:04,000 Thanks, but I'm not really in the mood for mom stuff. 72 00:03:04,025 --> 00:03:05,484 What, Mom stuff? 73 00:03:05,509 --> 00:03:07,168 Wait, what's that supposed to mean? 74 00:03:07,193 --> 00:03:11,320 Well, there's mom stuff and there's fun stuff. 75 00:03:11,935 --> 00:03:14,958 Wha...? I'm fun. 76 00:03:14,983 --> 00:03:16,793 Yeah, but not like Dad. 77 00:03:16,984 --> 00:03:18,202 Last week 78 00:03:18,227 --> 00:03:19,668 we chopped a worm in half, 79 00:03:19,909 --> 00:03:21,918 and it turned into two worms. 80 00:03:23,108 --> 00:03:26,126 Well, moms can do fun stuff, too. 81 00:03:26,151 --> 00:03:28,172 Ooh, I know, we could go to Color Me Mine 82 00:03:28,197 --> 00:03:32,506 and paint some ceramic swans. You used to love that, remember? 83 00:03:32,531 --> 00:03:36,418 Oh, we can go crazy and paint the feathers purple. 84 00:03:37,265 --> 00:03:38,834 I'll be next door. 85 00:03:41,969 --> 00:03:43,918 Oh, thank you, my good man. 86 00:03:43,943 --> 00:03:45,531 Oh, sir? Yeah? 87 00:03:45,608 --> 00:03:47,131 I'm sorry, there's actually no hats allowed 88 00:03:47,156 --> 00:03:48,331 inside the clubhouse. 89 00:03:48,400 --> 00:03:50,446 Good to know. All right. 90 00:03:50,471 --> 00:03:54,476 You know what? Here's a little tip for the tip. 91 00:03:54,501 --> 00:03:56,199 Thank you. 92 00:03:56,224 --> 00:03:58,351 Calvin, what's going on? 93 00:03:58,376 --> 00:03:59,406 You've tipped four people 94 00:03:59,431 --> 00:04:01,792 since we got out of the car, including Michael Keaton, 95 00:04:01,817 --> 00:04:03,543 who I'm pretty sure does not work here. 96 00:04:04,422 --> 00:04:07,584 I mean, he was Batman and Mr. Mom. 97 00:04:07,609 --> 00:04:09,334 That guy has range. 98 00:04:10,457 --> 00:04:12,710 I'm just saying it's not like you. 99 00:04:12,735 --> 00:04:14,737 Well, you know what else isn't like me? 100 00:04:14,762 --> 00:04:17,501 Everyone here. Take a look around, Dave. 101 00:04:18,127 --> 00:04:21,043 Okay, yes, we know you're the only one 102 00:04:21,068 --> 00:04:23,126 who can pull off matching argyle. 103 00:04:23,612 --> 00:04:26,460 No, Dave... well, yes. 104 00:04:26,943 --> 00:04:30,708 But what I meant was I'm the only black guy here. 105 00:04:32,333 --> 00:04:34,000 Huh. 106 00:04:36,250 --> 00:04:37,751 Well, I didn't even notice. 107 00:04:37,776 --> 00:04:40,334 That's because you don't have to have your antenna up. 108 00:04:40,359 --> 00:04:41,447 What does that mean? 109 00:04:41,472 --> 00:04:43,909 It means that you naturally fit in, 110 00:04:43,934 --> 00:04:45,066 but I stand out. 111 00:04:45,091 --> 00:04:47,083 That's why I have to dress sharp, man, 112 00:04:47,155 --> 00:04:49,810 and give out a bunch of tips to people that don't deserve it. 113 00:04:51,000 --> 00:04:53,485 Okay, well, what about Michael Keaton? 114 00:04:53,510 --> 00:04:55,968 I snuck in the movie theater to see Beetlejuice, 115 00:04:55,993 --> 00:04:57,472 so I felt like I owed him. 116 00:04:59,731 --> 00:05:01,951 Look, as the only black guy in the room, 117 00:05:01,976 --> 00:05:05,250 you just know that everybody's waiting on you 118 00:05:05,275 --> 00:05:07,652 to reinforce the negative stereotypes. 119 00:05:07,677 --> 00:05:09,027 That's why I have to represent. 120 00:05:09,052 --> 00:05:12,190 Okay, Calvin, I think you're being ridiculous. 121 00:05:12,215 --> 00:05:14,418 No one here is seeing you as a representative 122 00:05:14,443 --> 00:05:15,836 of all black people. 123 00:05:15,861 --> 00:05:18,656 Are you sure? Because you're the only person 124 00:05:18,681 --> 00:05:22,312 I know from Kalamazoo, and I assume that everyone there 125 00:05:22,337 --> 00:05:24,917 is overly positive and always smiling 126 00:05:24,942 --> 00:05:26,792 and giving babies high fives. 127 00:05:27,915 --> 00:05:30,186 Well, yes, of course we're positive. 128 00:05:30,211 --> 00:05:32,959 Calvin, it's the celery capital of the world! 129 00:05:35,247 --> 00:05:38,156 I think it's so cute that Calvin and Dave 130 00:05:38,181 --> 00:05:39,936 are on their little "man date." 131 00:05:39,961 --> 00:05:41,312 Dave was so excited this morning, 132 00:05:41,337 --> 00:05:45,000 it took him a half hour to pick out "the right pair of khakis." 133 00:05:45,920 --> 00:05:47,751 Calvin tried not to show it, 134 00:05:47,776 --> 00:05:49,203 but I could tell he was excited, too. 135 00:05:49,228 --> 00:05:50,751 Oh, really? How? 136 00:05:50,776 --> 00:05:52,882 I don't know, girl, I'm just trying to throw you a bone. 137 00:05:56,665 --> 00:05:58,058 Can I ask you a question? 138 00:05:58,083 --> 00:05:59,750 Do you think I'm fun? 139 00:05:59,775 --> 00:06:01,516 Of course. Why? 140 00:06:01,541 --> 00:06:03,717 Well, Grover didn't want to hang out with me today 141 00:06:03,742 --> 00:06:06,209 because he says I only do "boring mom stuff." 142 00:06:06,648 --> 00:06:09,521 Not the ceramic swan painting again. 143 00:06:09,797 --> 00:06:11,875 You said you loved that. 144 00:06:12,173 --> 00:06:14,083 Again, another bone. 145 00:06:15,625 --> 00:06:16,913 Look, don't worry about it, 146 00:06:16,938 --> 00:06:20,043 Grover's just going through a daddy phase. It's natural. 147 00:06:20,706 --> 00:06:24,959 All he and Dave do for fun are violent and dirty things, 148 00:06:24,984 --> 00:06:26,793 mostly to worms. 149 00:06:27,301 --> 00:06:29,102 Don't worry about it, he'll come back around. 150 00:06:29,159 --> 00:06:33,043 Now that my boys are grown, I'm back to being number one. 151 00:06:33,173 --> 00:06:35,742 - 'Sup, mamas? - Mmm, Marty, 152 00:06:35,768 --> 00:06:37,626 who's cooler, me or your dad? 153 00:06:38,436 --> 00:06:40,002 Is this a trap? 154 00:06:41,256 --> 00:06:43,876 Of course not, baby, I just want your honest opinion. 155 00:06:43,901 --> 00:06:45,834 Oh, well, "cool" is kind of subjective... 156 00:06:45,859 --> 00:06:48,418 No, it's not! Cool is what your mother is. 157 00:06:49,505 --> 00:06:51,875 Okay, uh, well, it-it-it's kind of like, 158 00:06:51,900 --> 00:06:53,684 Dad is cool in dad ways, 159 00:06:53,709 --> 00:06:56,234 like when he restores old cars or schools everybody at poker, 160 00:06:56,272 --> 00:07:00,102 and-and you're cool, you're cool in-in mom ways, like, 161 00:07:00,193 --> 00:07:02,709 like when you cut my sandwiches into little butterflies. 162 00:07:04,403 --> 00:07:05,927 All right. 163 00:07:08,425 --> 00:07:10,427 Welcome to the boring mom club. 164 00:07:10,452 --> 00:07:13,194 Oh, hell no. No, that's not fair. 165 00:07:13,219 --> 00:07:15,406 Just because we have to be the responsible ones, 166 00:07:15,431 --> 00:07:16,998 dads get to have all the fun? 167 00:07:17,413 --> 00:07:20,775 What were you gonna do today? 168 00:07:20,800 --> 00:07:22,750 Hello? Ceramic swans. 169 00:07:23,864 --> 00:07:25,604 No, okay? 170 00:07:25,629 --> 00:07:29,195 We're gonna show those boys that moms can be just as fun as dads. 171 00:07:29,220 --> 00:07:30,830 Get your purse, we're going shopping. 172 00:07:31,147 --> 00:07:32,335 For what? 173 00:07:35,828 --> 00:07:38,207 - It's on, suckas! - Yeah! 174 00:07:38,232 --> 00:07:41,024 We're gonna make you regret the day we gave birth to you. 175 00:07:45,580 --> 00:07:49,105 I got to admit, Dave, your golf game isn't half bad. 176 00:07:49,130 --> 00:07:51,001 You had me on my toes there for a while. 177 00:07:51,026 --> 00:07:53,633 Yeah, until that stupid goose attacked me. 178 00:07:55,095 --> 00:07:58,707 Oh, yeah, yeah, he got you good. Look, 179 00:07:58,732 --> 00:08:01,484 there you are hiding in the sand trap. 180 00:08:02,848 --> 00:08:04,371 And there he is finding you. 181 00:08:06,707 --> 00:08:08,405 You know, I could've used some backup. 182 00:08:08,479 --> 00:08:09,898 Oh, street rules, Dave. 183 00:08:09,923 --> 00:08:12,836 His boys stayed out of it, I stayed out of it. 184 00:08:13,625 --> 00:08:15,081 I'll tell you what, 185 00:08:15,106 --> 00:08:17,593 I'll make it up to you. Lunch is on me, all right? 186 00:08:17,618 --> 00:08:21,168 Uh, maybe they got duck on the menu, you can get some revenge. 187 00:08:21,616 --> 00:08:23,226 Sounds good. I'm gonna go to the bathroom 188 00:08:23,251 --> 00:08:26,002 and get this, uh, sand out of my pants. 189 00:08:27,450 --> 00:08:29,804 Hello there, um, table for two. 190 00:08:29,829 --> 00:08:32,443 Certainly. Uh, it's gonna be about a half an hour 191 00:08:32,468 --> 00:08:33,750 to 40 minutes. Is that all right? 192 00:08:33,775 --> 00:08:36,626 Okay, sure, um, name's Butler. 193 00:08:37,438 --> 00:08:40,554 Oh... I gave my last five to the groundskeeper 194 00:08:40,579 --> 00:08:42,709 to sic a goose on my friend. 195 00:08:43,365 --> 00:08:44,932 We'll call your name when your table's ready. 196 00:08:45,274 --> 00:08:47,627 I sicced a goose on my friend. 197 00:08:51,692 --> 00:08:53,515 So the bathroom attendant told me 198 00:08:53,540 --> 00:08:55,918 that it was mating season, so apparently 199 00:08:55,978 --> 00:08:57,625 the goose was just really into me. 200 00:08:59,025 --> 00:09:00,468 Hey, did you put our name in? 201 00:09:00,493 --> 00:09:02,501 Yeah, but he said it's gonna be, like, 202 00:09:02,526 --> 00:09:05,875 a half an hour to 40 minutes. You know what? You should ask. 203 00:09:06,107 --> 00:09:07,235 Why? 204 00:09:07,260 --> 00:09:09,931 Because of your charm and good looks. 205 00:09:10,026 --> 00:09:11,134 Oh, really? 206 00:09:11,159 --> 00:09:13,417 No, Dave, because you're white. 207 00:09:15,025 --> 00:09:17,485 You really think that's gonna help us get a table faster? 208 00:09:17,510 --> 00:09:18,751 Look, it might. 209 00:09:18,776 --> 00:09:21,001 It's like when you're trying to go into a nightclub, 210 00:09:21,026 --> 00:09:22,305 you get to skip the line 211 00:09:22,330 --> 00:09:24,376 if you walk in with a beautiful lady. 212 00:09:24,401 --> 00:09:27,839 So, because I'm white, I'm your beautiful lady? 213 00:09:29,195 --> 00:09:30,459 The goose thought so. 214 00:09:30,484 --> 00:09:33,333 Okay. 215 00:09:33,358 --> 00:09:35,917 Calvin, it's not gonna make any difference. 216 00:09:35,942 --> 00:09:38,376 All right, well, prove me wrong. 217 00:09:38,464 --> 00:09:39,634 Happily. 218 00:09:40,159 --> 00:09:41,205 Hi. 219 00:09:41,230 --> 00:09:43,547 Uh, yeah, excuse me, uh, can I get a table for two, please? 220 00:09:43,572 --> 00:09:44,907 Of course, but it's gonna be about 221 00:09:44,932 --> 00:09:46,588 a half an hour to 40 minutes. Is that all right? 222 00:09:46,613 --> 00:09:49,959 Oh, it's great. Uh, the name's Johnson. 223 00:09:51,380 --> 00:09:53,164 You were wrong. 224 00:09:53,189 --> 00:09:55,875 30 to 40 minutes, just the same as you. 225 00:09:56,079 --> 00:09:58,407 I mean, well, it was worth a try. 226 00:09:58,432 --> 00:10:00,852 Yeah, well, you're lucky I'm not the kind of guy to say, 227 00:10:00,877 --> 00:10:01,923 "I told you so," because... 228 00:10:01,948 --> 00:10:04,250 Johnson, party of two, your table's ready. 229 00:10:04,275 --> 00:10:08,001 Ladies first. 230 00:10:16,750 --> 00:10:20,043 Great table, Dave. Thanks for being born so pale. 231 00:10:21,001 --> 00:10:22,579 Would you stop it? 232 00:10:22,604 --> 00:10:24,878 Look, you can thank me for my kindness, my cheerful spirit, 233 00:10:24,903 --> 00:10:27,126 or my signature guacamole, but not this. 234 00:10:27,431 --> 00:10:29,666 Because you know this was a mistake, right? 235 00:10:29,691 --> 00:10:31,478 No, the only mistake was not pulling 236 00:10:31,503 --> 00:10:33,374 my "Dave card" out sooner. 237 00:10:33,512 --> 00:10:35,835 I mean, the reward points are amazing. 238 00:10:36,146 --> 00:10:38,458 Ooh, fish tacos! 239 00:10:38,724 --> 00:10:40,904 You know, I'm sure there's a perfectly logical 240 00:10:40,929 --> 00:10:42,321 explanation for this. 241 00:10:42,346 --> 00:10:43,619 Uh, excuse me. 242 00:10:43,644 --> 00:10:45,036 Yes? Is everything all right? 243 00:10:45,061 --> 00:10:46,696 Yeah, just a quick question, um, 244 00:10:46,721 --> 00:10:49,102 you know, my friend here put his name down before I did, 245 00:10:49,127 --> 00:10:51,564 and-and somehow I got a table first. 246 00:10:51,795 --> 00:10:53,517 I am so sorry. 247 00:10:53,542 --> 00:10:55,994 We were totally swamped, uh, we had a cancellation, 248 00:10:56,019 --> 00:10:57,629 you were the last person I had spoken to... 249 00:10:57,654 --> 00:10:58,751 Look, there's no excuse. 250 00:10:58,776 --> 00:11:00,892 Please, uh, let me comp your meal. 251 00:11:00,917 --> 00:11:03,093 Oh, thank you. Of course. 252 00:11:03,626 --> 00:11:04,875 You see that? 253 00:11:04,900 --> 00:11:08,294 A completely innocent mix-up. Race had nothing to do with it. 254 00:11:08,428 --> 00:11:10,865 All right, think what you want to, Dave. 255 00:11:10,890 --> 00:11:13,293 All I know is my Dave card got me upgraded 256 00:11:13,318 --> 00:11:16,126 from fish tacos to lobster. 257 00:11:20,259 --> 00:11:23,140 Whoa, cool! 258 00:11:23,165 --> 00:11:25,017 I thought you said I couldn't play with guns. 259 00:11:25,042 --> 00:11:27,249 Well, that was before you said I wasn't fun. 260 00:11:27,274 --> 00:11:29,876 Besides, these aren't guns, they're blasters. 261 00:11:29,901 --> 00:11:31,627 But don't tell your teachers. 262 00:11:32,602 --> 00:11:35,275 All right, let's do this. What are the teams? 263 00:11:35,300 --> 00:11:38,433 Johnsons versus Butlers. Battle for the block! 264 00:11:38,458 --> 00:11:40,334 Ooh! 265 00:11:40,359 --> 00:11:42,971 Really, Gemma? You two versus us three? 266 00:11:42,996 --> 00:11:44,415 It's, like, a little kid and his mom... 267 00:11:44,440 --> 00:11:47,250 Ooh. 268 00:11:49,337 --> 00:11:50,951 Oh, it's on. 269 00:11:50,976 --> 00:11:52,736 - Ooh! - Come on, Grover, take cover! 270 00:11:52,761 --> 00:11:56,501 Troops, take your positions! 271 00:12:00,615 --> 00:12:02,709 Marty, Marty. 272 00:12:04,063 --> 00:12:06,986 What? I-I see you, Mom. Hi. Ah... 273 00:12:07,011 --> 00:12:08,876 Malcolm, Malcolm. 274 00:12:08,901 --> 00:12:10,668 Yeah, I got you, Ma. 275 00:12:10,693 --> 00:12:12,918 Black power! 276 00:12:14,311 --> 00:12:16,525 Hey, hey, guys, just cover me, all right? 277 00:12:16,550 --> 00:12:19,918 I'm going in. 278 00:12:25,254 --> 00:12:28,168 Now let me show you how it's done. 279 00:12:28,877 --> 00:12:31,157 Wait, wait! Ow, ow! 280 00:12:31,182 --> 00:12:32,626 Ow! Ah... 281 00:12:34,181 --> 00:12:36,094 That's how it's done! 282 00:12:36,119 --> 00:12:38,463 Get him, boys, defend your mother! 283 00:12:38,488 --> 00:12:41,079 Come on, Grover, retreat, retreat. 284 00:12:41,104 --> 00:12:42,119 Back to home base. 285 00:12:45,666 --> 00:12:47,603 Boys! 286 00:12:47,628 --> 00:12:48,977 Boys, wait! 287 00:12:49,002 --> 00:12:50,699 You want us to hold our position here? 288 00:12:50,724 --> 00:12:52,525 No. Come help me up. 289 00:12:52,550 --> 00:12:55,125 My barrel roll ain't what it used to be. 290 00:12:56,741 --> 00:12:59,309 Just so you know, even though they comped this meal, 291 00:12:59,334 --> 00:13:01,001 it still counts as my treat. 292 00:13:02,479 --> 00:13:04,606 Okay, you know, Calvin, tell me this, 293 00:13:04,631 --> 00:13:07,424 if this place is so racist, why were you willing to eat here? 294 00:13:07,601 --> 00:13:09,907 No one said it was racist. 295 00:13:09,932 --> 00:13:13,056 I just saw an opportunity to use your white privilege. 296 00:13:13,330 --> 00:13:15,625 And it's delicious. 297 00:13:16,295 --> 00:13:18,276 I got a table by mistake. 298 00:13:18,301 --> 00:13:20,608 I don't think that's exactly white privilege. 299 00:13:20,633 --> 00:13:22,552 See? That's white privilege right there. 300 00:13:22,577 --> 00:13:24,709 Not knowing that you're benefiting from it. 301 00:13:24,805 --> 00:13:26,751 Okay, I-I know that 302 00:13:26,816 --> 00:13:29,949 I have certain social advantages on occasion 303 00:13:29,974 --> 00:13:31,793 because of the color of my skin. 304 00:13:32,028 --> 00:13:33,203 I'm woke. 305 00:13:36,052 --> 00:13:37,833 Dave, you about as woke as I am 306 00:13:37,858 --> 00:13:40,042 when Tina puts on a movie with subtitles. 307 00:13:40,950 --> 00:13:43,447 Okay, well, then, please enlighten me. 308 00:13:44,957 --> 00:13:47,314 Dave, your white privilege 309 00:13:47,339 --> 00:13:49,793 isn't something that kicks in on occasion, 310 00:13:49,899 --> 00:13:52,459 it's something you benefit from every day. 311 00:13:52,484 --> 00:13:54,458 You play by a different set of rules. 312 00:13:54,483 --> 00:13:57,245 It's like life is golf, and you get to tee off 313 00:13:57,270 --> 00:14:00,251 from the women's tee, which you did. 314 00:14:01,851 --> 00:14:04,806 Only once, and that was after that goose dug me up 315 00:14:04,831 --> 00:14:06,314 in the sand trap. 316 00:14:06,949 --> 00:14:09,143 Look, look, man, it doesn't even matter, 317 00:14:09,168 --> 00:14:11,043 all right? I'm not mad at youfor it. 318 00:14:11,195 --> 00:14:13,555 Okay, well, with all due respect, 319 00:14:13,580 --> 00:14:16,366 I ju... I think you're seeing something that's not there. 320 00:14:16,391 --> 00:14:18,480 Really? Okay. 321 00:14:18,722 --> 00:14:19,992 Put this on. 322 00:14:20,017 --> 00:14:22,117 Yeah, well, there's a no-hat policy. 323 00:14:22,150 --> 00:14:23,416 They made you take it off. 324 00:14:23,441 --> 00:14:26,749 Exactly. But I bet if you put it on, nothing will happen. 325 00:14:26,870 --> 00:14:29,126 Except maybe me looking better in it than you. 326 00:14:30,093 --> 00:14:32,377 Like I said, nothing will happen. 327 00:14:33,232 --> 00:14:35,918 Okay, yeah, fine, but you'll see. 328 00:14:35,943 --> 00:14:38,583 The same rules that apply to you apply to me. 329 00:14:38,608 --> 00:14:40,626 All right. 330 00:14:43,857 --> 00:14:46,168 I just hope people notice me in it. 331 00:14:49,674 --> 00:14:51,066 All right, soldiers, move in! 332 00:14:51,091 --> 00:14:52,571 Move. 333 00:14:52,605 --> 00:14:55,260 All right, Johnsons, we got you surrounded. 334 00:14:55,553 --> 00:14:57,512 If you don't surrender in 30 seconds, 335 00:14:57,537 --> 00:14:59,103 we're coming in after you. 336 00:14:59,128 --> 00:15:01,501 We'll never surrender! 337 00:15:01,913 --> 00:15:03,876 Mom, I think we have to surrender. 338 00:15:04,736 --> 00:15:07,083 Come on, Grover, don't be such a wuss. 339 00:15:07,108 --> 00:15:08,544 Did you just call me a wuss? 340 00:15:08,569 --> 00:15:11,043 Yeah, what are you gonna do about it, cry to your mommy? 341 00:15:12,776 --> 00:15:15,125 How could you boys ever think I wasn't fun? 342 00:15:15,150 --> 00:15:16,927 Oh... it's not that you're not fun, Ma, 343 00:15:16,952 --> 00:15:19,793 it's just that Pop's always more spontaneous. 344 00:15:19,818 --> 00:15:22,049 Oh, well, you don't think I can be spontaneous? 345 00:15:22,074 --> 00:15:23,917 Mom, it's not your strong suit, so... 346 00:15:23,942 --> 00:15:26,335 God... 347 00:15:27,844 --> 00:15:31,002 What? Do I have a target on my neck or something? 348 00:15:31,388 --> 00:15:34,042 New game. I'm going in with the Johnsons! 349 00:15:34,067 --> 00:15:36,001 Yes! See, Grover? 350 00:15:36,026 --> 00:15:37,897 This is why you never surrender. 351 00:15:37,922 --> 00:15:39,097 You were right! 352 00:15:39,122 --> 00:15:40,428 But now you better run. 353 00:15:40,453 --> 00:15:42,085 Moms against sons! 354 00:15:42,110 --> 00:15:44,463 Oh, this is the best day ever! 355 00:15:44,488 --> 00:15:45,851 - Oh! - No! 356 00:15:45,876 --> 00:15:47,792 Leave him! Leave him! 357 00:15:50,314 --> 00:15:53,000 Oh, sweetie, sweetie, are you okay? 358 00:15:53,025 --> 00:15:55,169 Oh, I think I hit my funny bone. 359 00:15:55,194 --> 00:15:57,668 Oh, do you want Mommy to kiss it and make it better? 360 00:15:57,693 --> 00:15:58,868 Yeah. 361 00:15:58,893 --> 00:16:02,752 See? Sometimes mom stuff isn't so bad, right? 362 00:16:03,354 --> 00:16:04,775 You okay now? 363 00:16:04,800 --> 00:16:06,584 Yeah, thanks, Mom. 364 00:16:06,609 --> 00:16:08,001 Good. 365 00:16:08,026 --> 00:16:10,067 - Now run, wuss! - You better run! 366 00:16:10,092 --> 00:16:12,950 - Yeah! Go, go! - You better run! 367 00:16:15,484 --> 00:16:17,074 This food was delicious. 368 00:16:17,099 --> 00:16:20,376 I, uh, tip my hat to the chef. 369 00:16:21,201 --> 00:16:23,083 But I do not take it off. 370 00:16:24,594 --> 00:16:26,335 It's been ten minutes, Dave. 371 00:16:26,360 --> 00:16:28,463 If that loud "phone call" 372 00:16:28,488 --> 00:16:30,167 thanking your hatmaker didn't work, 373 00:16:30,192 --> 00:16:31,585 I don't think anything will. 374 00:16:32,012 --> 00:16:33,793 You're right, I'm probably being too subtle. 375 00:16:34,456 --> 00:16:37,001 Uh, he... excuse me, bartender? Uh... 376 00:16:37,271 --> 00:16:40,834 I know it's only the afternoon, but I sure could use a nightcap. 377 00:16:40,859 --> 00:16:45,125 Do you know how to make a Man-hat-tan? 378 00:16:48,425 --> 00:16:50,084 I mean, do you believe me now, 379 00:16:50,109 --> 00:16:52,918 or should we both go outside and see who can hail a cab? 380 00:16:53,352 --> 00:16:55,584 No, you, you. Perfect. 381 00:16:55,609 --> 00:16:57,917 Anything you want to say to me? You know, 382 00:16:57,942 --> 00:16:59,470 off the top of your head? 383 00:17:00,177 --> 00:17:04,398 Um, I hope you had a pleasant experience at Hillmount? 384 00:17:04,755 --> 00:17:06,667 How can you say that? 385 00:17:06,692 --> 00:17:08,708 Because they tell us to? 386 00:17:09,374 --> 00:17:11,792 See? I told you so. 387 00:17:11,817 --> 00:17:14,501 Huh... do you remember the rules now? 388 00:17:14,732 --> 00:17:16,278 You're letting him walk around with the hat on, 389 00:17:16,303 --> 00:17:17,833 but you made me take it off. 390 00:17:17,858 --> 00:17:20,469 Uh, I'm sorry, guys, I don't want any trouble here. 391 00:17:20,494 --> 00:17:22,090 Well, you found it, because you're messing 392 00:17:22,115 --> 00:17:24,209 with the wrong woke white dude. 393 00:17:26,264 --> 00:17:29,500 The rules should be the same for everyone. 394 00:17:29,525 --> 00:17:31,469 I mean, did you see what just happened here? 395 00:17:31,494 --> 00:17:32,583 This was a travesty! 396 00:17:32,608 --> 00:17:34,168 Okay, Dave, chill out. 397 00:17:34,193 --> 00:17:35,833 I still have a cappuccino coming. 398 00:17:36,528 --> 00:17:38,625 No. No, Calvin, 399 00:17:38,650 --> 00:17:40,043 it's-it's not right. 400 00:17:40,432 --> 00:17:42,793 If my friend can't wear a hat in here, 401 00:17:42,818 --> 00:17:45,168 none of us should be able to wear a hat in here. 402 00:17:47,826 --> 00:17:50,668 Dave, that's my hat, man. What the hell? 403 00:17:50,693 --> 00:17:54,083 Yeah, "What the hell?" is right. Yeah... what the hell? 404 00:17:54,517 --> 00:17:56,126 What the hell? 405 00:17:56,151 --> 00:17:58,520 What the hell? What the hell? 406 00:17:58,545 --> 00:18:00,590 Excuse me, sir, sir, I'm gonna have to ask you to leave. 407 00:18:00,615 --> 00:18:02,583 Why? Because he's black? 408 00:18:02,608 --> 00:18:04,668 No, because you're trying to start a riot. 409 00:18:06,401 --> 00:18:09,667 No, I'm trying to start a revolution. 410 00:18:11,651 --> 00:18:13,208 Uh... 411 00:18:13,473 --> 00:18:16,168 Look, I'm sorry, I'm his first black friend. 412 00:18:24,490 --> 00:18:28,004 You were pretty quiet in the car. You all right? 413 00:18:28,964 --> 00:18:30,739 Yeah, just disappointed. 414 00:18:30,764 --> 00:18:32,501 I was really looking forward to today. 415 00:18:32,526 --> 00:18:34,583 I'm sorry. 416 00:18:34,608 --> 00:18:36,417 I always forget how painful it is 417 00:18:36,442 --> 00:18:39,751 when racial inequality affects you white dudes. 418 00:18:41,732 --> 00:18:43,334 How do you do it? 419 00:18:43,737 --> 00:18:45,626 How do you handle all the double standards? 420 00:18:45,651 --> 00:18:47,876 I would be angry all the ti... 421 00:18:49,338 --> 00:18:51,750 Is that why you're angry all the time? 422 00:18:54,855 --> 00:18:57,152 Sometimes. Sometimes it's other things, 423 00:18:57,177 --> 00:18:59,626 but most of the times it's you. 424 00:19:01,445 --> 00:19:04,292 I mean, let me tell you a story about getting angry, man. 425 00:19:04,548 --> 00:19:06,159 You know, when I first wanted to open 426 00:19:06,184 --> 00:19:09,684 my auto shop, I went to a local bank here to get a loan. 427 00:19:09,897 --> 00:19:13,484 And despite my good credit and work history, 428 00:19:14,118 --> 00:19:16,279 all they would approve me for 429 00:19:16,304 --> 00:19:18,918 was a crazy disrespectful interest rate. 430 00:19:19,220 --> 00:19:20,754 So what'd you do? 431 00:19:20,779 --> 00:19:23,875 Well, I wanted to tell them to kiss my... 432 00:19:24,899 --> 00:19:28,750 but instead I said thank you 433 00:19:28,775 --> 00:19:30,250 and I took the money. 434 00:19:30,275 --> 00:19:33,376 Then I rolled up my sleeves and I worked hard 435 00:19:33,472 --> 00:19:34,907 and I built my business 436 00:19:34,932 --> 00:19:38,022 and I bought this house and I raised my family. 437 00:19:38,355 --> 00:19:41,184 And I paid that loan off three years early. 438 00:19:41,524 --> 00:19:43,917 If I'd have gotten angry, none of that would've happened. 439 00:19:44,935 --> 00:19:46,543 That must have felt great. 440 00:19:46,711 --> 00:19:48,495 You know what feels better? 441 00:19:48,640 --> 00:19:53,084 Is that my shop is still here, and that bank is long gone. 442 00:19:54,911 --> 00:19:56,668 Kind of like your hat. 443 00:19:58,951 --> 00:20:00,709 Oh, yeah, you're buying me another hat. 444 00:20:01,118 --> 00:20:04,077 And I hope you get cash back on your Dave card, 445 00:20:04,102 --> 00:20:05,712 because that thing wasn't cheap, man. 446 00:20:07,234 --> 00:20:08,539 You want to come on in for a beer? 447 00:20:08,564 --> 00:20:10,001 Yeah, sure. 448 00:20:13,371 --> 00:20:15,810 - No! - What? 449 00:20:17,772 --> 00:20:19,855 Sorry, I... I thought I heard flapping. 450 00:20:25,571 --> 00:20:27,626 Wh-What the hell is this? 451 00:20:29,125 --> 00:20:30,561 Grover, what's going on? 452 00:20:30,586 --> 00:20:33,591 It's a trap! 453 00:20:34,676 --> 00:20:36,315 Calvin, cover me! 454 00:20:36,340 --> 00:20:38,083 No, you cover me. 455 00:20:38,291 --> 00:20:43,911 - Synced and corrected by martythecrazy - - www.addic7ed.com -